It was about a year ago, maybe just a little further into spring when I finally decided I needed surgery. A benign growth on the right side of my uterus, called a fibroid had become so large that I looked four or five months pregnant. You’d think something this large in your body would stop you from doing regular activities. Somehow (or until about spring) I claimed I was doing fine.
It’s amazing what we’re willing to accommodate. My wardrobe had grown to exclude pants and shorter shirts, I knew which times during my cycle the growth would be smaller, where I might be willing to tuck my shirt in or go to the beach. Or sometimes I just wouldn’t worry about it and would mainly try to ignore people looking at me or me and my partner as expectant parents. I guess if you had to be pinned for something, it may as well be that! I stayed away from all sugars and flour, and only ate a little bit of meat and fish. I took a wonderful (and effective at first) Ayurvedic decoction that even began shrinking the growth. Later it only served to slow the growth down as the final size was that of a volleyball.
The day I knew enough was enough was during a Craniosacral Therapy session. My therapist pointed out the blocked energy where my right abdomen met my right leg. He urged me to “open it up”. As I tried doing that, I noticed great resistance, a sensation I would describe as, “afraid I’ll fall off a cliff.”
“Exactly!” He said. “That’s exactly what you need to do! It’s just like that. Dropping the energy down to the earth is the same as jumping off a cliff. You just have to do it.” He was talking about a line of energy that comes from above our heads and descends into the earth along which we develop and express our masculine energy in the world. Mine, and I think many peoples, gets blocked when our masculine energy gets wounded or an incomplete education.
I set up an ego structure instead of contending with how vulnerable the wound made me feel. How smart was that, by the way? Developing an alternative strategy for surviving unseemly circumstances? Being vulnerable, not knowing what to do, not taking care of everyone, were out of the question growing up, so I found a very effective way to avoid feeling those feelings. The cost: not really getting to enjoy what masculine energy can really do when it’s radiant, healthy, and free.
It became clear that this tumour was finally expressing in a physical form what had been going on in energetic and emotional forms for decades. The tumour, although unsightly and uncomfortable, revealed that in fact, it had been doing the work of what that area of my body would never have been able to handle if left to develop naturally.
I had to do a lot of personal work before I got it out. I had to literally reclaim that part of my body, not just with words, but in a deeply embodied way, and thank and ask the energetics behind the growth to move on now. It wasn’t an easy sell. The patterns were deep and quite comfortable, they’d even formed a little nest, kind of band of squatters. I had to learn the fine art of the masculine sword- how to take a stand and say, “This is mine and now it’s time to go!”
The fact that the tumour popped out easily and I healed miraculously well has a lot to do with the prep work I did on my masculine channel. So this next bit here, this episode of, The Sahius, comes directly out of my own healing journey and is offered so you know that the energetic work is necessary when contending with physical patterns.
Look for his bride next time as I cover The Feminine Channel. xo