When I was twenty five I was diagnosed with cervial cancer. I went from having a very normal, healthy cervix to “carcinoma in situ” very rapidly- like in six months. I was in my final year of Chiropractic College, working as an intern in the school clinic, and was preparing for some of the most rigorous Board Exams there are in any professional training.
My first response was, “My body has betrayed me”. There I was, clipping along like any young person, unaware of my mortality, eyes set on the future I would soon be embarking on after graduation, and here was a diagnosis, that in the space of several minutes made me into the patient. Looking at a diagnosis, from the others side, the experiential side, you could say, rather than the well-removed, theoretical, textbook-led side of my then studies was a radical shift. Stunning, in fact. I literally didn’t know what to do.
Three days, later, after, becoming very despondent, my friends and I went to a Bruce Cockburn concert we already had tickets to. If you’ve ever heard his music or seen him play, you’ll know that the man channels a high level of brilliance- one, like all forms of genius, that can transform your consciousness.
I wept throughout the concert. In a sense you could say my heart opened to a bigger more coherent truth because I came home with deep understanding that night and awoke the next day with an entirely different outlook. Here’s a clip from his tour that year (this may have even been the song that broke me through.)
I awoke thinking about a patient I had treated several months earlier. When I first met her, she was infertile, overweight, covered with skin irritations, and craving sugar. Two months into my care for her she met a healer. Although I never found out what he did with her, she began transforming before my eyes. Within a few months her skin cleared up, she lost weight and was preparing to conceive her baby.
Later that day, as I finished my time at the clinic, I decided I would phone that same healer. His receptionist answered and told me, “We’re first-come, first serve, and the waiting room is completely full, I don’t think you’ll have a chance of getting in today. You could try, but it doesn’t look likely.”
Because I felt strongly about going, I finished my time at the student clinic and drove there anyways, arriving a half hour before closing to find the waiting room completely empty.
A small man with bright green eyes came out, greeting me with a Spanish accent.
“Haha, you’ve come just at the right time. It was a very busy day.”
He sat me down and ran some tests.
“Hmm. You’re very lucky you’re here. You would likely have cancer all over your body one day.”
It felt true.
One hand upon the other, he began praying over top of my head. I could feel my body becoming lighter, happier. He moved to my lungs, I felt my heart open and I could breathe better. He then put them over my uterus. A good sort of pain came over me, the kind that comes when long-held fibres are breaking apart.
And then I saw gold. It was all around- in my heart, in my eyes, throughout the room. Tears rolled out of my eyes as I sat in the beauty of what to me felt like God and total unity.
He stopped and looked down at me.
“You’ve just experienced the highest form of energy in The Universe.”
“I know”, I said.
We didn’t say too much more to each other. The healing lasted for another few hours, him standing beside me, hands quietly folded over my heart or head, both of us silent in the ineffable unfolding.
This marked the beginning of a what’s now become my life’s victorious healing story. It would still be another four years until I began remembering a deeply buried history of sexual abuse from my childhood that had largely contributed to my cervical cancer and other challenges in my life. And many more years beyond that contending with the fears, angers, and shames that accompany any abuse or neglect.
What happened to the cancer? Somewhere in the middle of those years, after successfully stalling its growth, there was a moment, I remember it well. I was contending with shame for how my body had responded to the abuse and once I really got it wasn’t my fault, really knew it, it was like poof! A clarity suddenly surrounded me as a cloud I didn’t even know I’d been living under cleared away. Even though I understand the moment in therapeutic terms now, at the time, I couldn’t explain it- didn’t need to. I just knew I didn’t have to worry about having cervical cancer ever again. I could feel it was gone. So far so good.
Over the next three episodes of The Sahius, I share important aspects to how we absorb, retain, and replay unwanted challenging experiences. Todays’ episode is on how we absorb imprints and why.
Next time I’ll speak on how you can detect imprints as they play out in your life and maybe share a little more about my own story.