A Mother Without Love

Kate Veronica Photography

A mother without love is a mother who went without love.  It’s not natural to close one’s heart to loving.  Rather, it’s a response to having been hurt.

When would she have to have been hurt?  When she was young?  A baby?  Or could it have been recent, like when she was giving birth?  Even more recently than that? What makes a mother’s heart close?

We know that if you interrupt a mother and baby during birth, you essentially run a tractor through the most sensitive classroom they will ever have together. A baby will never again be as impressionable, nor will the bond between the child and his or her mother.  If during birth, a mother is sufficiently harassed by questions and high pressure situations, physically hurt by birth interventions, or drugged, so she cannot feel life breathing into and through her, it can make her think her child did it to her.  The insult present in and around birth gets mixed up with how the mother and baby feel about the other.  It’s confusing.  Underneath it all, they love one another, but every time they go to reach for the love they have for each other, they also encounter the insults that occurred during their first meeting.  These mixed feelings can last a lifetime and cause hallucinations that the child is in danger, is about to be lost (again), must stay close, has to stay away, must stop, must eat, etc., unless explored, confronted, and grieved.

You could say that this short list of possible séquelae I’ve written above are unfortunate.  You could also say they are intriguing, as they might give you an insight into yourself or someone you love.  The reason I’m touching on the subject again today is because of what a mother’s love affords.

A mother’s love means you will learn how to properly relax:  Your brain, adrenal glands, thyroid gland, kidneys, heart, and digestive system will know when to act and when to let go.  Self-regulation will increase the likelihood of you living longer with less diseases.  It means you will enjoy the days of your life because they will feel safe to you.  From safety grows pleasure.  From pleasure grows curisouisty.  A mother’s love transmits “it’s okay to enjoy”, because her love means she enjoys you.  If she enjoys you when you are really young, then you believe the world is enjoyable and will enjoy you too.

A mother’s love affords you protection.  If she cares about you, when she notices something’s off for you, she’ll pay attention and look into it.  If she finds out you’ve been exposed to danger, she will risk every relationship around her in order that you are respected in your sovereignty.  Even if it’s her who’s harming you.  She will advocate for you to be treated with dignity when you are too small and vulnerable to fight for yourself.  This is really important in the case of preventing and responding to physical, sexual, and emotional abuse at home, at school, or at relative’s and friend’s houses.  A loving mother is a fearless mother.

A mother’s love affords you a higher proabability that you will love easily too.  When you go to partner, to have children, something will feel natural, obvious, possibly even easy to you.  She will have imparted an intelligence to you. One that you will likely build on.  If you were treated with love, you will not feel the urge to deny another the love you were denied.  You will not have to restrain yourself from treating your child with jealousy if they receive more than you did, you won’t feel competitive with them if they thrive, you will want theme to surpass you.

Amazingly, many who were denied love or got some, but in other ways, none, still know how to love.  Love tends towards itself.

I know that birth is only one place where a mother’s love is either supported or interrupted, and that what pre-disposes a woman to connect easily with her child is a complex matrix of influences that even include previous generations, and yet we have a choice in this world to support or insult her.  Prebirth and birth are the most powerfully influential times for a woman to impart love to her child, and therefore to the next generation.  We can realize that we must treat the pregnant, birthing, and post birth mother with extraordinary awareness, or we can add insult to an already challenging world.

We have to take care of birth, because love is first born in a relationship.  Life makes life more elegantly in an atmosphere of love, and intelligence grows in a loving, relaxing, and stimulating environment.  Yes, intelligence for survival is born in an unfavorable environment, but intelligence that is physiologically and emotionally sustainable is born in a loving, supportive environment that begins in the womb, and is confirmed at birth and for at least another two to three years.

Just because you’ve already grown or your children have already grown, doesn’t mean this is now out of your hands.  One or two of the children being born right now will lead your country, perhaps while you’re still alive.  Thousands of them will be your children’s and grandchildren’s school teachers.  Heaps of them will run the agricultural and farming practices near where you live, future CEO’s, CFO’s, ED’s, and the like are coming in as we speak and they are either supported or irritated.  Future mothers with future relationships to be had are being conceieved and born, and they will shape the heart of your future societies.

Treating women as vessels of future life for all of us is a social justice and human rights issue for every human on earth.  Find ways in your communities to love and protect mothers, and  they will in turn birth the futures we all can belong in.